GRATITUDES + BREAKTHROUGHS // AUGUST 9, 2016

Gratitudes

I have two huge gratitudes this week that I’m so excited to share!

Number 1: I had the most amazing experience shooting on Wednesday morning in Rome with Jacqueline and Dan. It’s always been a dream of mine to travel and to work and this trip I’ve been able to make that happen. I had a 5:15am wake up call, but it was totally worth being in the middle of the piazza looking at the Pantheon and only sharing it with the pigeons. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced the magnitude of this Roman temple, but as I mentioned before on social media, it is my absolute favorite. I’m not sure if it’s the history, it’s location or size that really speak to me. I remember seeing it for the first time 3 years ago as I walked from the Trevi Fountain through the narrow streets. There was an opening in the buildings which lead to a large fountain surrounded by people, restaurants and shops and this 120ish AD building just chillin’. I remember feeling mesmerized and in awe. So, fast forward to last week and there I was standing in front of it again but this time with the silence of the morning. These portraits turned out so cute and it was great timing as Jacqueline + Dan moved to Rome two months ago from San Francisco!

Number 2: After my morning session I came back to pack and head out to another long weekend getaway at the beach. This time we choose to visit the heel of the boot. We found the most adorable Airbnb in Polignano a Mare. A sleepy little beach town with a historic district filled with restaurants, shops and hand written poetry everywhere like graffiti. Our little apartment was built in the rock cliffs facing the Adriatic Sea. We had a private balcony that looked over the bright blue water and echoed the sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks below. We spend the majority of our time on the pebbled beach, jumping from the cliffs into the water and sunbathing near a man-made pool that would fill with ocean water during high tide. The historic district was astonishingly beautiful with pastel colored apartments, balconies filled with potted plants and clothes on the line. Restaurants were tucked in unassuming doorways and bistro tables were set out to welcome guests. We also snagged reservations at a restaurant in a grotto! Grotta Palazzese is a restaurant set seaside within an open grotto – easily one of the most romantic restaurants in the world. Aaannnddd I was there with Ayla, no shame in our game, there was no way I was missing the opportunity to experience a restaurant like this without a significant other.  The tables were dressed with white clothes and every table had the perfect view of the sunset over the sea. I will say I wasn’t overly impressed with the menu but the wine and views were worth every euro we spent!

So after writing the blog post last week about painting my nails I completely forgot to do it! I removed that old worn out, sunscreen corroded polish and then never painted them! This might be a record, I had naked nails for 5 days. As I look back I was prepping for our stay in Polignano and getting my gear ready for the shoot in the morning. The entire trip I kept looking at my hands and I felt like they weren’t mine. The good news is that I am painting them Mod About You after this goes live.

Breakthroughs

This breakthrough hit me hard. Wednesday was a long day for me, I had that 5;15am wake up call for that portrait session, I came home laid down for about an hour and got back up to finish packing and to grab lunch before we headed to catch the train to get to the beach. I did a little editing on the train to help pass the time and to feel somewhat productive until we arrived at our destination. We were picked up by our host around 8:30 and by about 10:30 we were settled into the apartment and ready to explore. All day I felt disconnected, I opted not to get an international phone while I was here as a way to save a little bit of money, instead I use the wifi that is available in the places that we stay or places we visit. No problem I thought, I’m not addicted to my phone and in all honesty there are times where I separate myself from it because it feels like I’m too connected. Wednesday though I felt lonely and really far away for the first time. Once I leave the apartment in Rome I don’t have access to texts, social media or FaceTime so all day I was alone. Usually it’s fine, I pop in and out of places and grab or sent a message here and there. The place we chose for the weekend didn’t have wifi access so I had to rely on coffeeshops and bars. We were told that the piazza had free wifi – we just needed to sign up and connect. I thought this was brilliant I’d be able to get wifi when I needed it and disconnect when I wanted the downtime. But when it came time to connect, it was available for Italian phones, my American phone number wouldn’t work. I panicked. I felt angry, annoyed, alone and exhausted.

Reflecting on the situation, my reaction to not having free wifi access was childish and unnecessary, but also in looking back that reaction was to a feeling of immense loneliness. It’s a funny thing when you travel, we are so used to be connected all the time that we use it to pass the time or check-in with our loved ones. Not having that access initially doesn’t seem like a big deal, until you’re about to send a check-in message to your parents, or an “I miss you” message to your boyfriend, or you want to share a killer picture with your friends on Instagram. All of that is unavailable if you are without a connection.

Eventually I was able to login through a workaround to get access within the piazza, and helped alleviate some of that isolation. So I’ve learned that while I’m okay with being alone and disconnected, I don’t actually like not having the option myself. And with hours of separation in connectivity I can begin to feel alone. At this point there isn’t much I can do about those feelings besides being aware, respecting them and if I need to find a connection.

As always, thanks for reading. xoxo.